thinking jewish

Airport Insecurity (Updated)

Ten days post-everyone wants to blow up airplanes day, and I'm at Laguardia, ready to hop over to Detroit for a surprise visit of you-know-who. Shhhhh - don't tell.

After a frustrating fifteen minutes of attempting to check in, I nearly lost it watching how ridiculously security and operations are run here.

I check in at one desk but then, despite ample amounts of automatic conveyor belts, must drag my checked-in bag to a roped-off TSA area for x-rays. Any word on why they do this in the middle of the reception hall and not behind the scenes?

Then I go to be x-rayed myself. One airport employee is payed an hourly wage to tell me to continue through the maze of ropes to the front of the line where I will then be checked to make sure my name matches my boarding pass. There, another airport employee is payed an hourly wage to tell me that I cannot use any of the many buckets in front of her for my bags, but rather have to ask a TSA employee for some.

Where are said TSA employees? On the other side of the metal detectors, of course.

No one tells me to take off my shoes. I do anyways. I go through metal detectors and a beep goes off. So I back up and go through again, without taking any metal devices off of me - what happens - you guessed right! No beep sound this time. And no one thinks that maybe it's odd that one time I set off the machine and another time don't.

I ask if TSA is looking to hire more employees, and then move on.

In the waiting lounge, ready to board my plane an hour and a half before it departs (hey, they said to get here early!) there are plenty of fancy flat-screen TVs to watch CNN on, but no chairs to sit on. Space is devoted to crap that acts like food, but not for thorough security checks. The Starbucks employee blending my sugar-coffee-bonanza 10 feet away is friendlier than the TSA employees with whom I am now entrusting my life.

My hands are dry, my lotion is now checked (watch out for exploding hand-cream) and now Northwest Airlines wants me to pay $25 extra for the "luxury" of sitting in an exit row.

I'm glad all of my tax dollars are going to good security and ample food at my municipal airports.

10 points to anyone who can invent an instantaneous personal teleport machine for me - I can pay upwards of $50.

Update: Two days later, I'm back on a plane flying home. The flight is largely empty. A few rows back sits a Northwest Airlines pilot hitching a ride - he has the whole row to himself. Ten minutes after take-off, he reaches into his bag and pulls out a bottle of soda. So much for restricting liquids onboard...

The Failure

As we have all learned so much from our Commander in Chief over the last four years, government's first and foremost responsibility is to protect its citizens from danger. Plain and simple: Keep Americans alive. Everything else comes second.

But five days after what seems to be the worst natural disaster in recorded American history, this imperative is far from being realized.

A major metropolis is destroyed. Possibly thousands are dead. The survivors now live like animals in squalor.

Why the difference in reaction between this heart-wrenching event and our last national tragedy, now nearly four years past? This tragedy has affected hundreds of thousands of people, if not millions, while the last, though notably horrific, less than one hundred thousand. This tragedy spans four states, the last only two cities.

The difference: these people are poor. And we don't care about the poor nearly as much as we care about the rich.

Our government, we, have failed in our most basic task of providing a safety net for society's most vulnerable citizens.

But what were we thinking?

Why the hell would we build a major city surrounded by water, in the path of annual hurricanes, yet below sea level? This is our wake up call that we are merely peons to the forces of nature. We cannot control this world, as much as we may try.

Why the hell is our president temporary releasing environmental standards on oil and gas to alleviate the current supply shortages? This is our wake up call that we need to increase environmental standards and stop driving our little (big) cars and SUVs all day long, lest we want hurricanes like this to continue to strike annually, and maybe next time in more unlikely places, like California.

I used to think that the best way to determine a society's evolution was by measuring the cleanliness and efficiency of its bathrooms. I was wrong. Our test is how well we defend our most vulnerable, how well we recognize and address problems before the become tragedies, how well we react to tragedies to keep them from becoming disasters.

And this time we've failed...

Who Knew She Could Dance

Diplomacy can be a funny thing.

On her visit to Russia this week to meet with President Vladimir Putin, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice did more than just talk to the former KGB head.

After a lively discussion on the future of US-Russia relations, Putin invited Rice to swing dance in the grand ballroom of his residence.

The two are said to have danced away into the evening, after many-a-glass of wine and shots of vodka.

Go Condy!

Danish Anyone?

if you have read a newspaper in the last few days, you know that Jerusalem is abuzz right now with dignitaries from around the world. They are all here to attend the opening ceremonies for the new wing of Yad VeShem, Israel's Holocaust Memorial Institute and Museum.

Most of the more important people are staying at the King David Hotel, which means that the entirety of King David Street from Agron to Beit Lehem was closed today to traffic. Fun times.

After navigating the heavy security surrounding every inch of street and park in this neighborhood, Rachel C., Rachel B. and I were able to make our way towards the Tayelet on our weekly bike ride (preparation for the Ride for Reform - have you donated yet?). The Tayelet is a big promenade south of the Old City that has some of the best views to be found of Jerusalem. It is also next to a great (though short) bike trail that concludes at a second promenade.

We arrived (after I almost died, yes, I am going to fail this bike ride) at the second promenade and disembarked to enjoy the view of, among others, the Old City, the separation fence, and Ma'ale Adumin.

Not long after, a big group of people approached from the UN headquarters behind us, surrounded by ample security.

Turns out it was a group of Danes, including the Danish Prime Minister, Anders Fogh Rasmussen. They spent their time using maps to take in an educated view of the geo-political realities of Jerusalem while we started up a conversation with their bodyguards.

Some interesting facts about Mr. Rasmussen:

• Born: January 26, 1953 in Ginnerup, Denmark
• Gender: Male
• Occupation: Head of State
• Children: 3
• Education: Graduated from Viborg Cathedral High School in 1972
• Butt: Very nice (according to Rachel C.)

Here's a picture of Rachel B. and me in our encounter with fame. Enjoy!

Why I Love England

Apparently, according to a recent poll taken for The Daily Telegraph, I am living in one of the most unfriendly, unsafe, unattractive and undemocratic countries in the world. Go Israel!

In case you're interested, here are the results. As for me, I think I'll go drink some tea.

Regarding Yesterday's Elections

Arie Hasit: "We really blew it."

Art Verity: "This is a sad day for anyone concerned about the future of civil rights and personal liberties."

David Singer: "G-d help us."

Harrison Krat: "Hell is better than this."

Jessica Sedley: "Come on, Ohio... (Holding out that last little bit of hope)"

Josh Barkin: "I want to tickle Wolf Blitzer. And then I want to cry salty tears - the kind that build up a crust on your cheeks as they dry - over the fact that the Dems lost in Mississippi. I mean, I really thought we had a chance there, seeing as Kerry hates gay people and black people and science. Wait. Nevermind."

Josh Baron: "Goddamit"

Liz Wood: "It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it, and I DON'T feel fine!"

Marc Harris: "Drained"

Melissa Loeffler: "Moving to Canada is looking rather fetch right now."

Rena Polansky: "Someone please call with election results!"

Sarah Verity: "Thank G-d for Jon Stewart."

Sari Laufer: "Praying that when I 'wake up' tomorrow... either I live in another country or we did not elect an idiot and his cadre of satan..."

Sivanne Mass: "Here's to another crazy election."

Tammy Lew: "Who wants to move to Canada with me?"

Wendy Levine: "It's scary that whomever wins... only 1/2 the country wants them to be president. That's not really winning."

Happy Voting Day

There's an interesting phenomenon within the Reform Movement to sing a "closing song" after a service. Sometimes it's Adon Olam or Yigdal, other times Oseh Shalom. Sometimes it's a camp favorite. The tradition can be nice, especially on Shabbat, when we have more time to sing anyways. But I've always questioned its utility on a weekday shacharit. Do we really need to sing some happy song before we finish?

Today I finally got it. Today I understood.

In honor of Election Day, we sang the Star Spangled Banner, lead by Emma. Oh, the good old U.S. of A. - how I miss thee!

It's fairly widely accepted that a non-Jew cannot be asked to give an aliyah. But can a non-American lead a congregation in the American national anthem?

So, have you voted yet? If not, don't tell me. If you did, but you checked the "Bush/Cheney" box, really don't tell me.

But most important is that you voted in the first place, that you stood and were counted. Rena summed up this necessity this morning in her d'var Torah, some of which I will quote for you:

"... Similar to Abraham’s goal of acquiring the land, each of us has a goal for the future of our land, the United States. For a land that is more peaceful and more unified than the one we know now. Yet here we stand at an intriguing moment in history… The outcome of this election will have a huge impact on the entire world and certainly on our own individual lives, in terms of security, issues regarding the war on terror, our relationship with the entire world and even specific rights that we have now.

The next leaders of our country may or may not share these ideas, these goals, these visions about the future with us. They may in fact believe that the country, and the world, should move in the opposite direction… And while it would be easy, amidst this frustration and anger, to wash our hands of it all and walk away, that will benefit no one.

At a point when we, like Abraham, are drained and tired, how do we continue to struggle within the system and to work toward our goal? Why not disregard the rules of the land and withdraw ourselves from the community in which we live?

Why? Because we see the example of our forefather, Abraham, and we understand that we can make this work… We cannot merely sit as idle observers. We must use our voices to act whether it is about the war in Iraq, healthcare, or a women’s right to choose. Otherwise we cannot complain that we do not like what we see.

And if we can struggle within the system that does not always agree with our ideology, like Abraham, then we too can achieve a greater goal. We can create a land, maybe even a world, like Abraham did, for our children that is one step closer to the world that G-d wants for us; a place of peace, understanding and respect, and a world where we are unafraid of losing the rights and the freedoms that we have.

We must be like Abraham. We must check our emotional exhaustion at the door and move forward. We must set our sights on what it is we want, on what is most important to us, and figure out how to use the law of the land to our advantage…"

In the words of a very wise classmate, "Amen, Selah!"

John Kerry for President

After much consultation and consideration, we here at Life on the Far Side have decided to follow in the footsteps of The New York Times and, similarly, issue our own first-ever political endorsement.

We worried it would be a hard discussion process, weeding through the many pros and cons of both candidates. We sat down, together at the table in the office meeting room with many snacks and pots of coffee.

After finishing assessing John Kerry, we moved on to the incumbent, President George Bush. We looked at his cons, and then turned to his pros, only to find none. Baffled, we assumed the pile of papers must have been altered, but, to no avail, could they be found.

Seeking expert advice, we searched for answers. "Where are they Mr. Wizard?" we asked.

His answer, short and direct, was "They are missing, nonexistent, Johnny. Just like the Weapons of Mass Destruction."

Astonished, we concluded the only conclusion possible:

John Kerry for President of the United States of America! Come Tuesday, get out the vote!

"Sharon Sharon - ya ya ya...!"

Every Friday I practice with the HUC football (American, not soccer) team at Gan Soccer, a big beautiful field in קריאת הממשלה (Government Neighborhood). Above me, standing tall is the K'nesset, Israel's parliament. To most Americans who see it, the building is anticlimactic, rather plain, small by comparison to the Capitol Building, and, generally, not that pretty.

But this time, it was different, this time that collection of stones meant the world. Finally, I got it...

At 6:45 we were running late. As we raced past Gan Soccer, on our way back up the next hill to the Israel Museum, it was funny to notice how bright the field is made at night. "Maybe we can hold practice this late!" someone remarked.

The closer we got to the museum, the more police and border patrol soldiers there were - everywhere. Streets were blocked to traffic, pedestrians had taken over. Entering the crowd, I felt a little uneasy.

I never thought I would ever step foot at a שלום אכשיו (peace now) rally. What am I doing here?

But my unease gave way to shear excitement. This time, at least, I supported them. This time, we all agreed. I grabbed a few bumper stickers for myself and to send home.

In the center of the crowd were 100 or so kids from שומר הצעיר(left-wing Labor youth movement) huddled arm in arm. They chanted some slogans, jumped around a lot, and had a good time...

Then we started to move. The march began. Our destination - the K'nesset.

Inside was the beginning of a 24 hour marathon session during which the disengagement plan was being debated and, finally, voted on. Inside, the leaders of the country in which I now live were making one of the most contested and crucial decisions affecting this state in the last thirty years. Inside, leading this (mess), Ariel Sharon: the man loved by his enemies and vilified by his supporters. The right-of-center Prime Minister who's very life is being threatened by those who voted him into office and whose coalition is being held in one piece by the opposition.

אריק, אריק, ילא ילא - צת מאזה ורמאלה

We walked, banners and signs in hand towards that monstrous building which, suddenly, made sense. The building had meaning. I marched in protest, with Israelis young and old, towards the house of government of the first Jewish autonomous state in two thousand years.

אחד, שתיים, שלוש, עשרים - לפחות מנצרים

Then we reached the end. Packed like sardines, the thousands stood in front of the K'nesset. Then came the speeches...

Peres...

Melchior...

Beilin...

The very architects of the Peace Process, the leaders of sanity and tolerance and pluralism in this insane country, spoke to us.

There's something just a little more moving about hearing these men speak in Hebrew, in front of the K'nesset, in between their own speeches on the K'nesset floor, than in English at Berkeley Hillel... something different.

Something different indeed...

Why I Miss Cal

The Daily Cal has a nice front page story on the big drug bust at Cal this week. Basically, four students were running a pot and meth operation in their apartment in South Berkeley. One died, the cops found out, and the rest is history.

Apparently, the guys also kept a nice list of all the people they supplied to which is now, conveniently, in the hands of the Alameda County District Attorney.

Oops.