thinking jewish

An Ode to Gnats

Fruit flies, black bugs, drain bugs, plant bugs, gnats.

It's all the same.

Either way, they're annoying as hell. And I have them. Lots of them. In my apartment.

I think I (I just smacked another dead with my hand) deserve the record for having, single-handedly, killed the most gnats in a one week period. I clap, and then they die. The end. The finale of a woeful existence here on planet Earth.

Life on Isaac Bashevis Singer Street

Old Man: Spare some change?

Me: In fact... here you go.

Old Man: Thank you. Have a good day, good day... You know, Rosh Hashanah is approximately October 5. October, 5. Approximately...

Me: Actually, sir, it's October 4 this year.

Old Man: Is that night, or day? The start, at night?

Me: Rosh Hashanah starts the night of October 3.

Old Man: Approximately. Thank you. Definitely good to know...

Me: No problem, take care.

Two For Two

Two weeks gone by and two New York Times Monday crossword puzzles completed successfully.

Are the puzzles getting easier, or have I shown Will Shortz who's boss?

I Love My Mac

As I sat on my futon, relaxing after a hard (right) day's work, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself as CNN's "Breaking News" jingle started ringing on my flat screen.

Malicious Worm Virus Attacks Woldwide

"The Situation Room" had to continue airing past when it was supposed to go off the air because "Lou Dobbs Tonight," which is broadcast from New York, had lost all of its computer use to the bug and could not air.

I typed away at my own computer, downloaded some unsecured files and visited some dubious sites, all the while unconcerned about my safety, not having to close any pop-up windows, and not sorting through endless loads of spam emails.

I think that Darwin was right when he talked about "Survival of the Fittest." If you were stupid enough to invest in a machine that breaks regularly, is constantly open to attack, and takes more time to get to work properly than you end up getting in use, maybe you deserve to have the latest Microsoft virus disable your PC.

Quote of the Day

"In order to make peace with your enemy, you must go to war with yourself."

-Some Palestinian kid on CNN.

The Map Redrawn

Five hours ago Israel's border's changed for the first time since 1982.

I can see the images on TV. I watch the videos displayed online, read about the news in the paper.

But I long for something else.

I long to be back where it all is happening, to see the dramatic events firsthand. I long to again walk the hills, and smell the foods, and speak the language.

For the first time since May, I feel so far away from home.

הֲשִׁיבֵנוּ יְיָ, אֵלֶיךָ וְנָשׁוּבָה
חַדֵּשׁ יָמֵינוּ כְּקֶדֶם

We're Back in Action!

After a short summertime הפסקה (break) as well as much reader demand, Life on the Far Side is back in action, with a new and updated New York City theme. (Seeing as I now live in Manhattan, that seems rather inevitable, no?)

Tell your mom, tell your friends, tell your friends' mom - let the world know that Life on the Far Side is back in action in time for the school year.

Look for new exciting features and fun posts on the absurdity that is this island.

More to come soon!